December 19, 2012
I did a Bing Commercial - here it is. Don't get Scroogled this Holiday season
“It all goes back to the Oedipal Complex,” Says Douche Who Wants To Fuck His Mom
October 1, 2011 - From PoliticalSubversities.com
(New York, NY) At approximately 2am last Saturday near O’Blarney’s bar on Essex, Jason Heisley, 28, could be overheard talking about the Oedipus Complex, which brought to light Heisley’s obvious feelings that he wants to fuck his own mom, Miranda Heisley, 56. The Oedipus Complex is a subliminal excuse Dr. Sigmund Freud came up with for wanting to fuck his own mother, Miranda Freud, deceased. Currently, it is hallmark excuse used by psychologists and students who want to fuck their moms. The sick fuck Jason Heisley spoke almost fondly of his Oedipal feelings, saying “Freud was a genius – he knew what was up.” Apparently, what is up is Heisley’s penis at the sight of his own mom. Fucking gross. Heisley is currently living in Chinatown with his girlfriend, Electra Reks.
Christopher Walken Officially Replaced By Impression
September 5, 2011 - From PoliticalSubversities.com
A surprise public announcement: Christopher Walken has announced he will officially be replaced by an impression of him done by dudes around the country. “This comes – as a surPRISE – to many I’m sure,” said Walken in what sounded like a Jay Mohr impression of himself. As Walken retires his own Walken, the question remains: what is is next? Blogs around the country were rocked and started to speculate as to who will replace Walken in the star-studded cast of “Gods Behaving Badly,” slated to come out in 2012. Though many comedians have announced their bid for the spot of Walken; Dayton, Ohio resident Michael Reddaum remains a clear frontrunner for the spot of Walken. “Mike [Raddaum] just does it the best – he does the face and bug eyes and everything,” said friend, Steve Kriby. What will become on Walken? Well, we – will – HAVE to – wait – and, find out.
"I Don't Get Social Secuwity?"
August 14, 2011 - From PoliticalSubversities.comBy Jason Brightman (4 years old) I love my dog! I love my gewbil! It's not a wat it's a gewbil! And I love that when I'm oldew, I'm still going to be able to take cawe of the them even though I'll be old. The govewnment will still help me- What? Weally? Whoa whoa whoa. Lemme get this stwait. I don’t get Social Secuwity? But, but, but...why? Suwely you've wealized that we need Social Secuwity, right? Oh...you get that? Gweat. What? What do you mean the system is cwashing as the yeaws go on? Suwely if the system is unsustainable we have a best and bwightest minds on fixing it. WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO ONE IS FIXING IT?!?! What awe you adults doing all day? Gwanted, yes, I’m only “this many” yeaws old, but I know that this impowtant! My dog and my gewbil need me - what will they do without me?